RosieLux

I understand why im different

  • 24th August
    2014
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  • 24th August
    2014
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Everything I’m afraid of is closely coming to life. I don’t want this and don’t need this right now. Slowly losing what I wanted but was too afraid to admit to myself. I don’t know I guess it’s just my anxiety talking now.

  • 23rd August
    2014
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  • 21st August
    2014
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  • 21st August
    2014
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  • 21st August
    2014
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  • 21st August
    2014
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  • 20th August
    2014
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  • 20th August
    2014
  • 20

Wake up call to adulthood

A couple of days ago, I found out a person who I felt was a close friend and potential mate didn’t feel the same about me. Even after repeatedly asking and expressing my feelings for him, he found no mercy in his heart to tell me that he didn’t feel the same way. Quite the opposite, he told me I was his girl and that he was happy we were finally going to be together. He made promises to come visit me and cancelled without much notice. Looking back now he often ridiculed me for liking and living in a gullible world where unicorns, myths and fairy tales were reality. He often told me that I needed to grow up and always made me feel like a child.

I guess in his mind adulthood is about dishonesty. Adulthood is taking advantage of a person who opened up and was not afraid of being who they truly are. Adulthood is leading someone on just so he and a friend could have a good laugh. Adulthood in his book is not respecting someone’s way of life and way of thinking. And quite honestly if that’s what adulthood really is, I don’t want to be an adult.

I don’t want to lie, I don’t want to be disloyal, untrustworthy or belittling to anyone. I specially don’t want to be that way with someone who I care for or who truly cares for me. I don’t want to sneak around, I don’t want to hide my feeling. I don’t want to not express my love for unicorns. I don’t want to discontinue my creative ways because they don’t fit someone else’s idea of what creativity really is.

I will continue to wear my heart on my sleeves and if people choose to take advantage of that, then so be it. I will no longer be afraid of getting my heart broken. I will no longer be afraid of giving someone a first, second or unlimited chances. Everyone is dealing with their own demons, sometimes your demons can make you do things you wouldn’t normally do.

I will continue to trust those who cross my path and I will continue to forgive and forget. I don’t want to and won’t live a life of anger because others made the decision of misusing my trust.

I’ve learned a lot from this experience. One of those things was that people will always try to make you feel bad about yourself. sometimes they will dress themselves as a friend and pretend to look out for your best interest. The best thing to do is to shake it off and continue to be yourself. There are ways to help someone be a better person that aren’t belittling and that don’t fully change who they are as an individual.

Thank you for reading my rant.

Much love,
Rosie Lux 💁

  • 18th August
    2014
  • 18